I went for a run yesterday and “For Once in My Life” came on while I was running. After I pushed myself a little to hard and was taking my cool down jog/walk, I had an epiphany. The song stuck in my head as I walked home. The first line is “for once in my life I have someone who needs me, someone I have needed for so long.” Each and every person has their own meaning when it comes to song lyrics, or books or poems. So I thought I would tell you how my epiphany came to me. What if I am the “someone who needs me?” I sometimes forget I need me. I sometimes turn to others because I need them. I believe there are levels of needing.
I think there are three levels of someone who needs you, the you needing you, the needing you in a positive way, and the needing you in a negative way.
I want to start with the negative. The negative need people need you because they have not learned how to need themselves, yet. This negative need and can start when we are very young. Perhaps the negative need dissipates. Perhaps the negative need can grow and fester. The negative need has a lot to do with self-esteem and confidence, which the negative need person can grow out of it they want. If not the negative need person can end up being very destructive to themselves and others around them. Negative need people are very good at manipulating others into not realizing they’re a negative need person. The negativity hits when the negative need person ends up sucking the other in by using sympathy to get what they want. The other will then believe they too need to help the negative need person due to the sorrow they feel for them. Sorrow is a strong ally to the negative need person, which the other in most cases fails to realize how harmful this is. This causes a cycle of pulling the negative need person up constantly in turn bring the other down to the negative need person’s level. Once the other can realize this there is a negative need person in their lives, distance is the best medicine. Negative need people will do everything in their power to blame the other for the problems with no accountability. Again using manipulation as a tactic to bring the other back. Most negative need people cannot help themselves in turn the other cannot help them.
The positive need person looks to the other when needing themselves is not enough, sometimes. A positive need person comes in many forms, but has also learned when being a doer is important. The positive need person will challenge the other as well as accepting the other’s challenges, mentally and physically. The positive need person can hear the other’s opinions and advice. The positive need person knows they are accountable for their actions. When the fun ends the positive need person does not use manipulation if the result does not go as planned. The positive need person knows when to back off when they have their head back on straight. They are also willing to extend themselves for others in positive manners. This is the difference between a positive need person and a negative need person.
Doers need themselves as well. When you know how to need you, you can realize independence. Needing you is an everyday thing. The doer will need themselves for simple things or the hard things, also knowing when a task is too big. When you need you fear is smaller, and independence along with confidence come a lot easier. The needing you also helps recognize the difference between the positive need and the negative need.
This may sound silly but have you ever thought about how you need you?