I think there are three levels of someone who needs you, the you needing you, the needing you in a positive way, and the needing you in a negative way.

I want to start with the negative. The negative need people need you because they have not learned how to need themselves, yet. This negative need and can start when we are very young. Perhaps the negative need dissipates. Perhaps the negative need can grow and fester. The negative need has a lot to do with self-esteem and confidence, which the negative need person can grow out of it they want. If not the negative need person can end up being very destructive to themselves and others around them. Negative need people are very good at manipulating others into not realizing they’re a negative need person. The negativity hits when the negative need person ends up sucking the other in by using sympathy to get what they want. The other will then believe they too need to help the negative need person due to the sorrow they feel for them. Sorrow is a strong ally to the negative need person, which the other in most cases fails to realize how harmful this is. This causes a cycle of pulling the negative need person up constantly in turn bring the other down to the negative need person’s level. Once the other can realize this there is a negative need person in their lives, distance is the best medicine. Negative need people will do everything in their power to blame the other for the problems with no accountability. Again using manipulation as a tactic to bring the other back. Most negative need people cannot help themselves in turn the other cannot help them.

The positive need person looks to the other when needing themselves is not enough, sometimes. A positive need person comes in many forms, but has also learned when being a doer is important. The positive need person will challenge the other as well as accepting the other’s challenges, mentally and physically. The positive need person can hear the other’s opinions and advice. The positive need person knows they are accountable for their actions. When the fun ends the positive need person does not use manipulation if the result does not go as planned. The positive need person knows when to back off when they have their head back on straight. They are also willing to extend themselves for others in positive manners. This is the difference between a positive need person and a negative need person.

Doers need themselves as well. When you know how to need you, you can realize independence. Needing you is an everyday thing. The doer will need themselves for simple things or the hard things, also knowing when a task is too big. When you need you fear is smaller, and independence along with confidence come a lot easier. The needing you also helps recognize the difference between the positive need and the negative need.

This may sound silly but have you ever thought about how you need you?

School was always an odd thing during this time of year. When school would start there would be a ton of three-day weekends, and then a whole two weeks off. Then spring semester. A few three-day weekends and then this long dull wait till spring break. The students and teachers would just be burnt out till we all could make it till spring break. Once we made through spring break not a single of us had any desire being in school, the energy would be so negative. Any person could tell how worn out the teachers and students were just from walking into a classroom.

My seizures started in the spring about seven years ago. Last year on April 8^th, 2011 I had a few major seizures ending me up in the hospital. This year being alone felt right and I also wanted to celebrate not ending up in the hospital and everything being hunky-dory for the past four months (knock wood.) I think sometimes we block things out and do not realize what they are until they rear their ugly heads. This causes us to shut down for a moment. I knew this day was coming, and I think I shut down trying to block this out. My favorite dog ended up needing surgery so I stayed home and took care of him instead of going on vacation and leaving him in the care of a family member or a dog sitter. Even with my dog being sick I still wanted to go out and move on. I still wanted to see my friends and celebrate.

They all turned out being busy or had other things to do. I even went as far to call people I had met in the past year after this event had happened and just say hi plus say how I was happy having met them. It also did not work out as I had planned. I came to realize one thing. I was not entitled to going out and celebrating. You cannot always get what you want. As much as I wanted to and as much as the self-pity and anger set in, because I felt like I deserved it, it was not something in the cards. My cards were taking care of my sick dog and reflecting. Maybe me being alone was the best thing, and being alone is what I deserved. If my friends were busy, and did not want to celebrate with me it is OK, they have their own lives. If the people I have met in the past year did not care and weren’t as happy as was to have met them it is OK as well, I am not important to them. Why are they important to me? UUUMMMM, who cares, it really was just a day and so was April 8th, 2012. This lesson taught to me at the present moment in time, it is just not my time yet, and there is no entitlement no matter what you go through. The anger and self-pity was unnecessary for me putting it out in the world. I put out my bad energy for no reason, like the spring not being able to commit to one type of weather or another. It is just life and a lesson we all have to learn. I was entitled to nothing, no one is, we all just have to roll with those punches or the cards dealt (stupid clichés I know) and move on.

I believe this country is one of the greatest on this planet because we have the First Amendment of the Constitution. The citizens of America all have the right to free speech. Us citizens also do not have to agree with other people’s free speech. We do not have to agree with people like Bill Maher calling Sarah Palin the C word or Chris Rock calling the Tea Party crazy. These men are comedians looking to increase their own popularity to their perspective audiences. I do not believe in famous people attacking normal citizens just because they are arguing their views. There is a difference between the famous attacking the famous and the famous attacking normal everyday citizens. The thing is it is still their right. Just like it is our right to disagree. We can disagree with all of them.

No good can come from hate speech. It ends up causing more hate. Ideally people should show kindness to one and other. Who cares what we are, but it is our right to say as we wish. The First Amendment is there to protect our thoughts coming to fruition. The First Amendment is good and is bad. I guess there are reasons why people need to express such things. I did, I am a woman who feels hurt by such ill things. Of course I laugh sometimes, but I end up forgetting about the things famous people say, in most cases they have no influence on how I think. I do not agree with Bill Maher calling Sarah Palin the c word, but it is his right to express his feelings. I do not agree with Chris Rock calling the Tea Party crazy, but it is his right. I do not agree with Rush Limbaugh, but it is his right. I cannot understand such hateful things sometimes because I am young, in my late twenties. Bill Maher and Chris Rock do not influence me. I do not agree with what they say, people want to look for answers and if they want to follow what these guys think then good on you. Just like the people who want to follow Rush Limbaugh and the Tea Party, go ahead, it does not float my boat. I will look into things before I make choices. Education and information are my boats, and the more a person can do that for themselves the better off one is.

I think we should still be kind to each other. No one person is perfect. I do not have millions of dollars though to do with as I wish. It is why I write in satirical senses and make fun of my generation and myself. I am just an everyday Jane writing down my thoughts and then forgetting about them.

Here is my thing today. I am in a slightly bad mood, and let me tell you why. I really hate politics. I try to avoid them at all costs. I do not affiliate with either side and I like to make my own views. When Georgetown Law Student Sandra Fluke went before congress to argue for birth control coverage without a co-pay and then is viciously slandered by an angry man called RUSH LIMBAUGH. I get a little agitated.

Sandra Fluke is not arguing for birth control just so women can have meaning less sex, as often as we want, when and wherever. Sandra Fluke is arguing for birth control coverage because there are many health reasons for it. Not only is birth control helpful in the baby making arena, it helps with ovarian cysts. Birth control helps regulate cycles. Birth control helps regulate heavy periods, cramps, and blood clots. This increases productivity of women in general. So one would think businesses would want to support this. There is less chance a woman getting pregnant, which equals less chance a woman needing time off, and then not having to worry about pregnancy leave. How are you missing this point?

What was the most angering for me is oral contraceptives are not like Viagra where you just pop a pill and BAM your protected. (In the case of Viagra, you pop the blue pill and BAM an erection.) Birth Control a woman takes everyday, once a day, and the same time everyday. You miss a pill and the results could end up rather surprising if you are sexually active. If you are taking it for other reasons than missing a pill is not as big of a deal. This is where the republican media are filling minds listening with wrong and invalid statements. Oral Contraceptives take time to work (up to three months), which is a process; Oral Contraceptive is not an overnight or hourly thing. There is a difference between a condom and an oral contraceptive. Again you MALE and even some FEMALE REPUBLICANS are missing the point. I am not going any farther with this, but if again you all want to go back to the 1950’s then mentally stay there, but there are no time machines to take you back. This is 2012 and we all need to start realizing the decade we live in. Leave these stupid social and religious issues out of politics. I am finished with this mentality of people thinking women who want to choose what to do with their bodies and be equal are sluts. ENOUGH already!

I am calling women to action. My inner feminist is coming out, and I really hate it when she does. All women old and young, Democrat, republican, and Independent alike go on strike and stop having sex. Just stop the sex. If we are sluts and whores and prostitutes then women just stop having sex and have it with ourselves. Start masturbating show your husbands and boyfriends if they are going to buy into this stupid rhetoric of the republican agenda, then stop sleeping with them. Stop having sex with your boyfriends, and husbands even if he agrees with you and show him what it means to actually agree with you. I am not saying stop showing him affection or loving them, do the other duties you normally do, like hugs and kisses and love. We have until November to show men we mean business to make our voices heard. Things need to start going right for WOMEN, until then men do not get anything of ours below the belt (same goes for men, we do not give them anything below the belt.) Women need to take a stand and marching in the streets is not enough anymore. Stop slapping us in the face and saying we are your equals, then secretly acting like we are not your equals when we are not around.

You men want our pussies then prove it! You men want us to play with your cocks then prove it! You want to have loving sex or crazy wild sex with us, THEN PROVE IT! Tease the living shit out of our men and show them to stop ignoring our voices, and our rights. Stop talking, men do not listen, we should know that by now. So show them women mean business. Masturbate, women pleasure thyself and show the men of this country what it means to only get the boobs and kisses and hugs. STOP ignoring us and stop calling us what you think we are. We are human and we are just as equal as you are.

I know women you will learn a lot from pleasuring yourself, and if he is a bastard and cheats on you well then he really is an ass and you have much bigger problems (at least you learned the kind of man you are married to/dating, and well you can go from there. I am sorry for such an unfortunate event.) This is a wake up call to men, and to women. We need to start doing something, and that something is keeping our LEGS SHUT! Men do not like blue balls… Some of us may get hurt but getting the right to vote was not easy either, WOMEN got hurt. Those women did it for their daughters, and the future of women. DO this for the future. Call us sluts and whores, fine we’ll show you and showing you is by doing the opposite, not being sluts and whores… A national dry spell.

Enough already, OUR BODIES, OUR CHOICES, and playing by OUR RULES!

I am studying the male species more and more. I have reasons because I bag on women a lot, because I am one and I think why not have balance. Plus I hang around men a lot as well. So why not figure them out a bit more than just being able to hang around them and become bored with their norm. Why not delve into their being a bit more. I usually end up becoming bored with my male friends and go off and flirt with the first cute thing I see and end up with more numbers than all of them combined, anyways. (My figurative balls are usually bigger than their real ones.) Not that I call any of the numbers I get, I just like the sport of it all. Why go out on a Friday night if you cannot get a few numbers and act like one of the guys? Guys do this all the time, it is time women start doing it and making use of our sexuality. Getting numbers is a small step, of society telling us it is wrong, there is equality in that. Do with the numbers as you wish ladies, I prefer not to call, men do not so I will not.

I am finding lately my guy friends are having a hard time with their women as I have with the men in my life. One male friend has bounced from one long-term to another long-term with not much down time in between. I do not get that. There needs some healing time. Otherwise you either hate yourself or you turn into your ex. He told me he sees himself currently as a “Beta Male.” I had a hard time with the statement. I have never seen my dear friend in as a beta. His eyes are dazzling, his smile is endearing, and as far as smarts go he is incredibly intelligent. Plus overall I would give him an eight out of ten he really is handsome. So in the look department is he is not a beta. He does have some self-esteem issues which we all do, and that could be the catalyst as to why each relationship fails. It is not just him though. The first girl put the cra in CRAZY! I did not know the other only I know she dumped him. I will bet the insecurities surfaced and she bounced. His patterns are repeating themselves because he should probably be single for a while and learn about himself. Learn why he thinks he is a beta. I told him he will never live up to being perfect, but perhaps it will help him become what he wants. I know many love him. The love comes from his family and his friends. Why can’t he love himself? I got a bit harsh went into my KtBitch mode and said “go freaking work on loving you before you get what you think you want. Stupid!” We had a good laugh and I hope he listens.

Another friend of mine has a girl he’s been seeing for a while, but she will not commit to him. This I find very odd because it is usually vice versa. I know I will sound a bit biased here because he is my friend, and he is a great guy. Now his manners are a bit off, but that is pretty normal I am finding with most men. He is very tidy and neat, which most bachelors are NOT! So a huge plus. He is highly devoted to everything he does, so another plus. I mean his family, his friends, his job, his extra activities, and to her and it is not even in that order. This guy wants to get married and have a family, which is another rarity to me, because most guys just do it to please the woman they are with and then cheat on her. Not him. So again another win in his column. He is a bit shy, but he is smart and kind. What I do not understand the girl he is seeing gets angry when he does not answer her call RIGHT AWAY, or call her back when he doesn’t answer right away. He will even send a text saying how he is busy and call when he can. That is considerate in my book. I get that men are busy and a real man will do what he can to get back to you ASAP. He makes time for her and spends what little time he has with her or his family and even includes her in his family time. His friends have barely seen him lately, so good for his devotion. I am defending him and I do not know him on a romantic scale, but have I mentioned she will not commit. She will go out with guy friends one on one, but expect all this from him. Good for female freedom, but don’t get pissy when he doesn’t answer the phone right away. That is the rub to me.

I told my friend to take a break. He cannot just be her go to man when it is convenient for her and she put all these demands on him. That is not fair. Unless they she is his “fuck buddy” and then she is going to have to get over all the demands. I told him he has to step up and tell her what he wants. If she does not like it then she has to go. She is being unfair to him and you both need to talk. That one is a hard pill to swallow. He really liked her we all really liked her. I am biased though and I do not have friends who are assholes.

My guys are assholes, just plain assholes. They are liars or cheats. I guess that is the game though. I just stopped bothering. I could call one of the guys numbers I get at the bar, but really they are probably just like the others. They say one thing and do  another. They are busy or end up being married. I do not get it. Hey that is their shit though. They can miss out on me, plus if the Mayans said world should end this year anyways they can recall the fact as the world ends how they never got to spend that time with Kt. So really it is no bother, there is so much more to life than sitting around waiting to be lied to or ignored. I have to go for a run, a beanie to knit, and a new recipe to make.

ANYWAYS!!

I have to say this weekend was productive. I cleaned my house and my room, which I hate doing more than anything. I think those are the main reasons I will never get married, at least not until I am rich enough to have a maid to do it for me. I also did the COLOR RUN!!!

I have to say the COLOR RUN was a super-duper fun blast. I am someone who loves being outside in the sun and active. I love it even when it is raining (as long as it is warm) even if my body and brain do not permit it (I have epilepsy and in the past year my seizures are becoming more and more violent and medications are not working as well as I and doctors had hoped. Did you know that about 3 million people have seizures?) So while this was a run, I walked it. Which my whole team did, I found it was not really that big of a deal because well again it was more of a fun thing to do as opposed to a hardcore timed 5k.

After each kilometer there was a section where the volunteers threw a bunch of color on you. You start this race out in a white t-shirt, and end it completely covered in corn starchy dyed color. I was totally hit in the mouth at the purple station, PURPLE BOMBED!!! Note: that stuff does not taste very good! By the end of the run I looked like a Pollok painting, which is pretty awesome if I do say so myself, and I also had a blast. I also did it because the money went to the Three Square Food Bank, an awesome local charity in this area. We all know I am all about the charities! Could I have run it? Sure. Did I? No. Regardless it was about the time spent with friends, it was a blast, and I highly recommend you do it! So get a team together, wear a crazy costume, and prepare to be COLOR BOMBED! Oh sign up as soon as you can the Color Run fills up fast! www.colorrun.com

Tomorrow you will be in church, nursing the hangover, wondering what you are going to give up. At least some of you will be. Others will just give something up for personal reasons. Las Vegas will slow down, but it will never stop, hell it is hell right sins stay here. Jesus forgives especially when you come to Las Vegas. (Just Kidding, no judgement, that is for when you die.)

Now I have admitted to being a Catholic, but going through my nihilist existential crisis I call the twenties, I am not seeing the point of organized religion. Good for all of you who do. You are you and I am me. Who knows, maybe I will again once I am out of this phase, isn’t that what life is, phases? I was there in my teens now I am not. I choose it then and I’ve lost that lovin’ feeling oho that lovin feelin. Lost soul, perhaps? I cannot see the future, but who knows what it holds. I just changed from twelve years ago.

ANYWAYS, the Lenten season is upon us. I love this time of year. I love hearing the hardcore hens brag about how they are doing so well not eating what they gave up. It is wonderful that tis’ the season a man went in the desert for forty days, died for your sins, just so you can give up a decadence.

Throw the stones, I am a writer, I have plenty of time. I am a great catcher. I do not care, but contemplate the greatest meaning of what Lent is. I am not judging you. Give up ice cream, cake, and candy all you want. Seriously, think about who your lord and savior was. The man was the Son of God, and died for your sins. I am pretty sure he did not do it to better himself, he did it to better life for you. If you are someone who is into this religion thing…

Maybe this year look into shelters around the valley. (This here is a local section for you non local readers.) Help people out who are hungry and in need. Give your time to the shelter and give up your vices. Money is something we all are low on so why not just help your fellow-man. Go to the Boy’s and Girl’s Club and help a kid learn how to read (http://www.bgclv.org/bgclvindex.php?p=volunteer) there is some screening involved, because you are working with children. The Nevada Partnership for Homeless Youth is always in need of Volunteers. They have all kinds of things you can do, from bag stuffing to Feel Good Fridays, to Grandparents in the Audience. This is a great organization when it comes to helping teens. Yes, you have to fill out a volunteer form, and it takes a minute, but the outcome is worth it in the end. Why not? A good deed is just as much of a sacrifice, and they are much more fun in the end. Think about it, over forty days once a week for a few hours? Doing something good, enriching your life, and maybe giving up chocolate? Just think about it. You might like it and want to do it more. I named these two places because I have seen the good work they do. I have worked in the underprivileged schools at some point and see what a bit of happiness can do for kids and teens. It was more rewarding in the end than just giving something up.

A concept I do not understand is around Jesus’ birthday people are always willing to give to the homeless and help others, but during his death people give to the church. I do not know if giving money to a church saves your soul or not. I do know giving to the less fortunate enriches my soul, it always has. When you give money you have no control over where it goes. When you give time, you have control over where it goes, enriching others and yourself. I am just saying this might be a concept to think about before you give up just the chocolate and give the tithing. Plus you’re doing and charity is a great do. I know I sure as shit see life in a different light after I have done something like work with a kid who does not have much.

ANYWAYS, today is Tuesday and my usual day for a blog post, it also happens is a day most singles love to hate and all you attached people love to love. The day of love, VALENTINE’S DAY, DUN DUN DUN… So I will, like so many others will bore you with this wonderful, hated and loved day.

FIRST OFF THE BORING FACTS:

A Roman or Pagan Holiday from the dates of February 13^th-15^th called the Feast of Lupercalia. Roman Males would sacrifice a goat and a dog (umm gross), then whip Roman Women (who lined up for this) with the hides of the sacrificed animals. The Roman Women beliefs were it would make them fertile. There would be much drinking and celebrating. During the Feast of Lupercalia Roman Males would draw Roman Women names from a jar and go off and do what men and women did when they were nude and drunk. Sounds like the Romans knew what came before part B, part A. (HAHA!)

Emperor Claudius II in 3^rd Century A.D. decided to EXECUTE two Catholic men both named VALENTINE, on you guessed it FEBRUARY 14. The Church then made them MARTYRS, like they do, hence St. Valentine Day.

In 5^th Century A.D. Pope Gelasius I (Catholics do not get angry with me here, I am one of you) joined the Pagan Feast of Lupercalia and the Martyrdom of St. Valentine into the same day. Which is kind of what the Roman Catholics did best, once they took over. Combined the Pagan Rituals with the Roman Catholic Rituals to gain more followers! A good political move, the Roman Catholic Church would combine the two on the same date, and then turn the Pagan ritual into something of what most would consider less obscene. (OH History I love you so! Will you be my Valentine?)

1913 in a small town called Kansas City, Missouri and the Industrial Revolution (Hello AMERICA). A company called HALLMARK CARDS started mass-producing Valentine’s Day Cards.

Now we have Valentine’s Day. Go Hallmark go! They took a nasty Pagan holiday where men sacrificed goats and dogs, women lined up to be whipped with the hides believing it would make them fertile, and turned it into a day of corporate love to make millions and millions. Hey talk about doers!!!

There is that brief history of this day most singles hate, and lovers love. I know tonight I would love to have a romantic dinner I got all dolled up for with my hunka burning love, but alas it is not so. I do not hate this day though. I again would love to have a hunka burning love, but like I have in years past I really have not found most being worth it. So I am happy just loving myself. It took a long time to get here. It also took a long time to forget the past and stop worrying about how it will affect my future. Those past hunks hurt me, so I would put a stop to the future hunks before I could even get started. I would not even give them a chance, because I believed all future hunks will be just like the past. The men I trusted shattered it. I was so loyal to the past hunks, I was so destroyed by the past hunks, and I forgot how to love me. SO I started doing things to love me. I stared dating me. Besides how can someone else love you if you cannot love yourself? I know this story sounds familiar to others out there, we have all been there. Some still are at the point where they let the past dictate the future.

I would try to change for them. My personality my beliefs and who I am. That is not love. If those hunks could not accept me for who I am, then why was I changing for them? What on Earth was I doing? Then it all hit me. I am not bad I am great. I am loving and loyal. I am kind and I truly care. Physically I did need some help, and yes I have faults. So I changed physically and my faults, well hey, those are what makes me. Of course the faults need work, but all faults need work. I work on those everyday, I am not going to stop having flaws, because I am not a perfect person. I do not expect others being perfect either. Just like my enticing eyes, rocking body, and smile that can heal any pain you have. If I can accept other’s faults, then well accept mine. Once I started on the journey of accepting me and working on me. I gained a new outlook on life. I would still have them and everyday they would take work. At first it was hard. I wanted nothing more than perfection. Stressors and a half and I burnt out. Then I realized at times I will have it all together and others it will just be a hot mess. I also woke up and saw it, THE PAST!!! It was dirt! What comes from dirt? FLOWERS!!! Flowers are beautiful, and sometimes they have flaws. Some Flowers have missing petals and some have imperfections, some have very sharp thorns, but they are still beautiful in all cases. Some days you are the dirt and some days you are the flower. Hell even some days you are the flower with imperfections, but imperfect flowers cannot change and smell just like all the other flowers. Maybe the next time around the imperfect flower has all its petals.

As I ramble on boys and girls, my point is the past is sometimes dirt all have it, but from it comes flowers. Usually from the nastiest of dirt comes the prettiest of flowers. Remember patience when you meet people, they might still be in the dirt and need to grow a bit, but do not interfere with the growing process it is their job. Remember this metaphor yourself grow from your past, flowers grow, they do not linger. Remember it takes time and cannot happen over night, patience with yourself and to tend to yourself as well. I love Valentine’s Day. I love me though, even those times when I am back in the dirt or missing some petals, because tomorrow or next month or next year I won’t have missing petals.

http://www.npr.org/2011/02/14/133693152/the-dark-origins-of-valentines-day  I got all my info from here. Check it out it was a great read, and written by Arnie Seipel. Heck just go to NPR.org and read some articles! If I am wrong and you got your stuff from wikipedia then you’re cool too. Yell at me I do not care. I liked this article the most.

The Problem With Skinny Bashing | GirlieGirl Army

Two wonderful articles on why there should be a change in how we view others. I have been on both sides of the coin, and constant criticism does not feel good. I get it from my wonderful mother and father all the time. I got it when I was a chunky kid and now I get it because I look too skinny to them. I think I look wonderful, they both can blow it out their oversized asses…

Read this blog it is a great way for women to start working together.

www.girliegirlarmy.com